dear apricot,

I’m in a healthy and blossoming long distance relationship.  Things are great… BUT one of my guy friends has started to take a liking to me.  He knows I have a boyfriend but he thinks I deserve happiness now, instead of waiting around for my boyfriend to finish up grad school.  I don’t see a future with this ‘friend’ and I don’t want to make things awkward. I’ll admit, if my current wasn’t in the picture, I would definitely consider it but, that is obviously not the case.

So my question is: What is the best way to let someone know you aren’t interested in them?  It’s just so hard because he is one of those stand-offish/quiet guys that never opens up and the one time he opens up it’s with this. I don’t want to prevent him from being open to romance in the future with other people.

— Sans Limites

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Hello Sans!

You may not want to hear this, but you need to be frank with your guy friend, & tell him that he needs to stop the chase. You have a boyfriend, & he knows this. While it’s nice of him to be looking out for your best interest, your guy friend is disrespecting you & your boyfriend by trying to take you away from your current situation.

From the way you describe him, he sounds like he’s a bit fragile, & perhaps you worry that if you are too “harsh” with him, he may not have the confidence to go out & find another woman to love. Unfortunately, you can only think of yourself at this point, & do what’s best for YOU.

I would suggest saying something like, “You know you’re a good friend of mine, & I appreciate you being concerned about my happiness, but I’m happily taken. I don’t mind being in a long distance relationship, & I am quite in love with (your boyfriend’s name). If you can’t respect that, then maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore…”

He may get hurt feelings by your honesty, but the reality is, you are taken, & him wanting to dissuade you from being with your boyfriend is inappropriate. Your friend needs to understand that a long distance relationship is still a relationship, regardless of how many miles are separating you two.

If after that he STILL doesn’t get the hint — & I wouldn’t be surprised, because men can be persistent little buggers — I would suggest getting even more firm, & perhaps distancing yourself away from him completely… That is, if he still doesn’t respect your wishes.

But again, don’t be too worried about hurting his feelings. It may take a little bluntness for him to understand that you have no desire to leave the relationship you are in now.

I wish you the best!

— apricot.

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Q: have you ever been in a situation where a guy just wouldn’t get the hint that you were taken? What did you do?