I need love advice.

I’m in my mid twenties and I recently got back in contact with an old college friend. I never really gave him a second look until our reconnection.  He was a gentleman then and now.  I had dinner with him about a month ago and originally I just wanted it to be a casual “friendly” date. However, after our date, I was a bit attracted to him.

I asked him out to hang and eat at a local restaurant last week. I told him that he could give me a call at the end of the week to confirm Saturday plans. Instead, he called me on Saturday morning to apologize for such late response. He referred to our meeting as a rendezvous and we finalized plans for midday; around 1 p.m.  He then called me at 2 p.m. to state that he couldn’t make it; apparently he was tied up in a meeting.  He asked if I wanted to hang out that night but I declined (I didn’t want to seem readily available and I had to work the next day).  He asked me for a rain check, and I agreed. He was vague in rescheduling a date.

I don’t think he would take advantage of me and I don’t think he views me as a “booty call”, but I just can’t figure it out. I don’t know if he just thinks of me as a friend or just a potential “booty call.” He is very nice, but I don’t know if I should just delete him from my “friends” on Facebook and never contact him again or what.  I feel like if he was interested in me, even as a friend, he would make more of an initiative (instead of me) to hang out. He has my number, too, but he doesn’t call. And I don’t want to call him and seem like I’m needy or desperate.  It’s sounds really juvenile but I just don’t want to get hurt. I really am smitten by him.

— anonymous.

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Anonymous,

I can totally understand your feeling cautious. Men are so hard to read! It could seem that he is being evasive, when, in fact, this is his way of “playing hard to get.” Or, perhaps he’s just very shy & doesn’t know how to approach you because he likes you very much, too. His vague behavior could be any number of things. The only way you’ll know exactly where his head is at, is if you ask him straight out what his intentions are. Scary, yes… but at least you’ll know for certain.

Now, you don’t have to say straight out, “Dude… do you like me or not!” But you could play it very coy, & hint around the idea. For example: let’s say he calls you, just to see how you’re doing. You guys will be having a friendly chat about what you both have been up to. He might mention in the conversation that he’d like to hang out again. (& if he doesn’t, you could even suggest the idea playfully yourself.) If he is the one that hints around wanting to see you again, you could playfully tell him that you’d love to see him, but only if he is ready to fully commit to a day & a time, because you’re “tired of his fickleness!” (You would say this in a joking manner, obviously.) If YOU are the one that playfully mentions wanting to see him again, note his response to your banter. Is he hesitant? Is he playful right back? Does is sound like he’s smiling? By getting an idea of his answer & his demeanor, you’ll be able to figure out — even if it’s just ever so slightly — where his head is at surrounding you & him.

By being playful & friendly, you’re keeping the conversation light, but you’re still bringing something to his attention without deflating his precious man-ego. You mentioned not wanting to seem needy or desperate; this is the perfect way of beating around the bush, while still being polite & firm.

If, by chance, he continues to make excuses, or cancels a date again at the last minute, you could do one of two things: You could get very frank with him & ask him what his deal is; a sort of “I felt like we had a good connection, was I wrong?” OR… you could dismiss him all together. While it’s good to put your best foot forward & take some initiative, you shouldn’t have to do ALL the work. You shouldn’t be the only one investing energy into another get together.

Ultimately, the choice is yours in how you want to deal with it. It really depends on how patient you are, because like I said before, this guy could be really shy & perhaps not know how to talk to you! So it would be wrong for you to jump to the conclusion that he’s not into you. Then again, you cannot make excuses for his behavior; especially if you’re the only one that seems to care about getting together. While the shy thing can be cute, you don’t want to waste your time.

I hope this advice is helpful to you. Please let me know what ends up happening!

— apricot.