“I’m married, & I have a lot of guy friends…”

dear apricot,

Your recent response to the girl whose boyfriend has a lot of female friends really got me thinking.  I am in a similar situation, but on the other side of the fence.  I have a lot of male friends, and I am married.

In the past, I know that this has made my husband (then boyfriend) slightly uncomfortable, but when I have gotten everyone together to hang out I know he feels more reassured that they are good guys and we can all be trusted (and it’s true- I would never hang out with shady guys that would try any funny stuff with me behind my husband’s back).

So I guess my question is this, and as a married woman I’m sure you have some experience with this: Are there really no friendships with the opposite sex after marriage?  I love my female friends, don’t get me wrong, but I also enjoy having male friends.  Are those days really gone?

— Amanda, from Amanda Blog & Kiss.

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Hi Amanda,

As long as you & your husband trust each other to the fullest, I don’t see why you couldn’t continue to have plenty of guy friends. I think it’s great that you’ve encouraged your husband to hang around these friends of yours, too. It truly proves to him that there is nothing he should be worried about, & that these guys are good people.

I definitely don’t think the days of having male friends are gone for the married woman. But I DO think that there should be a known respect to your husband that HE is the only man in your life; the only one you share all of your secrets with. It should be known to your husband, too, that he is much more of a priority than any other friend, man or woman. & it sounds like you’ve accomplished that.

I think you’re fine. You’ve already taken the right steps to assure your husband that he is still being respected as the only man in your life & that he can trust who you hang out with. & that’s what it’s really about: trust & respect.

Take care!

— apricot.

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Q: do you think it’s appropriate to be married & have close friends of the opposite sex?

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