“one of my guy friends is totally confusing me…”

dear apricot,

My situation is based on total confusion and understanding. A friend (Nico) and I were very close but recently it’s been confusing. I had admitted to him that I was attracted to him but not in love with him. I told him this, but Nico doesn’t want to believe me, and thinks that I like one of his other friends, which is false. Nico knew that I found his friend attractive, but that’s it; nothing else.

Recently, Nico told me that he liked a girl but didn’t want to anyone. Nobody knows who the mystery girl is. Nico’s friends started to think that it might be me, so we tried to convince to him to tell the truth, but he denied it. After that, he started to get closer to me, but then he went away for a week without notice, and then contacted me as if nothing happened. Do you think that he doesn’t want to admit how he may feel about me?

I’ve tried asking him what he thought about it but it seemed that he didn’t want to go further in the discussion. He continues to escape the conversation.

I don’t know how to react. He’s trying to talk to me about life, as if nothing happened, but I’m sad that he doesn’t want to face up to the truth. I would like him to tell the truth instead of running away from me. What should I do?

— BM.

______________________________

BM,

I’m going to be honest with you. I think you telling Nico that you found him attractive, but you weren’t in love with him, hurt his feelings, & I think that’s why he’s acting weird with you right now. He’s hurt at the prospect of you possibly liking Tom (even if it’s not true), when Nico himself likes you very much. I think he’s just as confused as you are, but this gives him no right to play mind games with you.

This mystery girl he likes could very well be you. Then again, it may not. My question to you is: Why do you want him to tell the truth about whether or not he likes you? Because, ultimately, if it IS you, nothing will come from it. You said so yourself that you are only attracted to him, but aren’t in love.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is finding out who this mystery girl is is completely irrelevant. If you’d like to know who this girl is because you are interested in Nico yourself, then I can understand you wanting to find out. But if sheer curiosity is the only thing fueling you, then I think you shouldn’t worry about it. Like I said, he’s hurt… & he’s trying to control the situation by keeping this “mystery girl” a secret from everyone. He could also be trying to make you jealous to see how you’d react.

The games he’s playing with you are childish, but let him have his secret. Leave this mystery girl alone. If you & your friends have an idea that it might be you, let it be. You don’t fancy him in that way, so finding out about this mystery girl won’t solve anything at this point. Just make sure that you don’t lead Nico on in anyway. It sounds like he’s getting mixed messages from you, & this is why he is acting irrationally.

& about him running off without notice, & then showing up as if nothing happened… Perhaps you need to have a little conversation with him. If he’s a good friend of yours, you should be able to let him know that you don’t dig on his little games & that you would like to have a mature friendship with him. Let him know how frustrating this is for you, & how, ultimately, it’s effecting your relationship. You could also tell him that if things don’t get better between you, then maybe you guys shouldn’t hang out as much anymore (& I know both of you don’t want that).

But most of all, don’t egg on his little hissy fits. If he’s angry because you don’t like him, that’s his problem. Let him be angry & let him play games. But you’ve got better things to do than to sit around & wait for him to be reasonable.

Good luck with everything!

— apricot.

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