“I haven’t dated in years; where do I even start?”
dear apricot:
I am in my late twenties and I have only had one boyfriend. I haven’t even talked to guys romantically in years. I want to start dating but I don’t know how to go about. Where do I even start?
— Anonymous.
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Anonymous,
Perhaps your reservations about dating has to do with your personal mindset. A lot of people tend to shut themselves off from the idea of meeting someone romantically, be it for their careers, for school, or for personal abstinence. Shutting themselves off works perfectly if they need to focus on something more important — perhaps healing from a broken relationship. But now that YOU are ready to start dating, I think it would be a pretty good idea to start giving yourself the permission to date again. Give yourself the opportunity to seek out atmospheres to stretch those dating muscles. & if you’re having trouble just doing that, ask your friends for help! Tell them you’re getting back in the dating scene; maybe they’ll set you up with a friend of a friend. Have your friends encourage you to go out & move past your comfort zone. Go to bars or clubs with them; immerse yourself in activities that would allow you meet new people — & not just men! (Because, remember, there’s a possibility that you could make good friends with the sister of your future husband!)
Be open minded to the different types of people you could date. Be approachable. If your essence exudes outgoingness & availability, people will sense that & will feel inclined to get to know you better.
If you see a fellow who strikes you as “your type”, strike up a conversation! Doing things like that will put your mind & soul in the mood for dating. & when you DO get asked on a date, go for it! Even if it’s from a guy that you don’t really have romantic interest in but you think he’s nice just as a friend, use it as a chance to gain more experience in the area. Use it as a chance to get all dolled up & taken out to dinner, simply to remember how wonderful that feels. Ultimately, every dating experience should be about friendship first & foremost. It should always start & end there.
Also, maybe you should do a small makeover for yourself to get you feeling ready for the dating scene. Change your hair color or hairstyle. Pamper yourself by getting a massage, or your nails done. Clean out your closet & buy clothes that show off your assets & your personality. Doing these things can have a dramatic effect on your mood. Often, the best part of the date is getting ready to go. By preparing yourself for your dating experience — doing little things like painting your nails or doing your hair nice — you’ll feel desirable, confident, & ready. You’ll be in that “I’m single, & ready to mingle!” state of mind.
But above all, take your time with it. Don’t rush into relationships with anyone just so you can cut to the chase & figure out if he is the one. Have fun with dating! Explore your likes & dislikes with each date you go on; don’t take it so seriously. You’ll find it’s much, much easier than you think when you just got out there & do it.
Good luck!
— apricot.
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