“I like him as much, much more than a friend…”

dear apricot,

My best friend happens to be a guy. We’ve known each other for about four years now, and even though we live about five hours away from each other and get to see each other once or twice a summer, we’re pretty close. We email, text, talk for hours on the phone, and run a forum together.

As this usually goes, I like him as much, much more than a friend, and he is either clueless or just doesn’t feel the same way. I feel like we just skirt around the issue and continue being such good friends.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s an amazing person and a fantastic friend, and I love the relationship we have. It’s so easy-going and comfortable. I just feel like we could be so much more if he thought about me the same way… but I’d rather him be happy and with someone else than miserable with me.

I won’t lie; I’m not the smallest-built girl out there. In fact, I know his type, and I know that if I was thinner, I’d BE his type. I’ve been trying to get my weight down, but I also feel like if he opens his eyes JUST because I’m better-looking, that it’s a superficial thing. I want him to love me for ME, as this best friend he’s had for years now.

So what do I do? Do I beat my own feelings down in favor of this wonderful friendship? Do I kill myself trying to get a little weight off and hope he just opens his eyes? Or do I talk to him and endanger everything we have right now?

— anonymous.

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Anonymous,

I could easily say “Oh, just tell him how you feel, for Heaven’s sake! & don’t worry about the outcome…” — because, depending on the situation, that’s what I would personally do — but, that’s easy for me to say! I don’t know the precise contents of your relationship, & I don’t know this fellow as a person, so I think it would be unfair for me to tell you what you should do.

What I can tell you is that I don’t think you should dumb down your feelings to keep your friendship with him. You should never deny your feelings, ever. Perhaps, though, you should weigh your options. Is you telling him how you feel worth losing a friendship? (Not completely, maybe, but he may be taken aback by your forwardness & it might make your friendship slightly awkward.) Are you willing to take that chance? Or would you rather be left wondering for the rest of your life how it could have ended up if you would have asked him straight out?

& whose to say that it will end badly? Perhaps he likes you too! Perhaps he’d be willing to give it a go, as well. But honestly… you’ll never truly know unless you ask him yourself. The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you. & in the whole scheme of things, I think that’s a pretty good turn out, especially if you guys are able to keep your friendship. But at least you’ll know for sure.

Also, I don’t think that you should “kill yourself” trying to lose some weight for HIS sake. You should always want to get in shape & love your body for YOU; not for any man, even if it is for the love of your life. I think you’re right; if you suddenly lose this weight to attract him, & he ends up falling for you, you’ll always wonder “Is it because I lost weight, or does he truly like me?” I don’t think that’s anyway to start a relationship. So no, losing weight for the benefit of his glances wouldn’t be the best idea. Losing weight for YOUR self-worth, though, would be.

I hope you’re not disappointed by my answer. I just feel like this is a decision that you should make with your heart. Good luck with everything!

— apricot.

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