“I keep having dreams about my ex…”

{photo courtesy of leojam.}

dear apricot,

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. In the past 3 years, we have had our ups and downs but amazing memories. I love him very much and plan to be engaged in the next 2 years. Unfortunately, I only get to see him on weekends because we live 45 minutes away from each other.

For the past few months, I’ve been having dreams about my ex-boyfriend and it’s always about us dating again. Now I got in contact with him and talked to him about it. I’m thinking of seeing him again to see if the dreams will stop or get worse. I would never leave my boyfriend for him or any other man. I’m just wondering if these dreams are there because I never got my full closure.

When I have these dreams I feel weird towards my boyfriend, as if I’m this horrible person because I’m dreaming about my ex. It really eats me up inside and I don’t know what to do. Please help!

— Confused.

______________________________

Confused,

Often times, we look too deeply into our dreams, thinking that they’re trying to tell us something, when that’s really not the case at all. Dreams are usually just random flotsam & jetsam from our daily thought processes. So, do not take the meaning of these dreams you’re having about your ex too seriously. It will only drive you mad & rehash emotions that are better off left alone. (& this is coming from a girl who has dreams about her ex constantly, but has accepted that they are nothing more — or less — than her brain piecing together fragments of memories with him.)

You say that you’re thinking of seeing your ex in person to see if the dreams stop or get worse. There is a good chance that your dreams will become much more frequent & a lot more confusing if you decide to see him; I’m sure that just by you talking to him again they’ve gotten a lot more graphic. I cannot tell you what to do, but I strongly suggest that you don’t see him face to face; not if it’s only because of the dreams you’re having. If you want to meet up to see how he’s doing, then go for it! But seeing him face to face because of the dreams you’re having will only provoke those dreams, not help them. & I think that in the end, you’ll start imagining things that aren’t really there or that shouldn’t happen. (Example: you start thinking that you two should give your relationship another go.)

More than likely, these dreams are coming from not having final closure of your past relationship with your ex, as you said. They could also be coming from an overactive imagination. If you usually have vivid, emotional driven dreams, then they are a product of that, not from you pining for your ex. It’s true that some dreams can have a strong underlying meaning to them; perhaps they are vaguely symbolic or metaphoric. But I still wouldn’t think too much about it.

Again, remember that your dreams are only dreams. Don’t take them to heart, & especially don’t feel like a horrible person for having them. You don’t have much control of what your brain puts into a dream, so don’t blame yourself. If it helps, talk about your dreams to your boyfriend (if not him, than a close friend). Perhaps talking about them will release some of the emotions behind them, which is what truly needs to be acknowledged.

Good luck to you, & happy sleeping!

— apricot.

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