“should I stay, or should I go?”

{photo courtesy of admitchell08.}

dear apricot,

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, and he is a great guy. We had a rocky start that included infidelity on both sides, but have overcome it and decided to stay together. My boyfriend does not work. He was fired from his job a year and a half ago, but he does have a source of income.

My problem is this: I’m not sure if we should stay together. While we overcame our infidelity, I still find it difficult to trust him. He also has many female friends, including one whom he uses as a “sounding board” and usually complains about me to. I get the feeling from their interactions that they may have a bit of a crush on one another, though nothing has ever occurred. The other issue is that I’m in a career, and I worry that he will NEVER work or figure out what he wants. I guess I’m just curious if this is even the right fit for me, or if I should move on. We love one another, and love conquers all, but I’m just unsure of whether or not I should keep working at something I’m not sure will ever satisfy me.

Help?

— Unsure.

______________________________

Unsure,

Honestly — & I say this with tender-loving kindness — if you have any reservations, if you have to wonder if this is a right fit for you, & if you’re unsure if this relationship will ever satisfy you, I think it might be time to move on. Your heart is telling you something powerful right now, & you should follow it & see where it leads you. It sounds like you & your boyfriend have been through a lot, & maybe you need to take a few steps back in order to gain clarity of where this relationship is truly going.

Perhaps you & your boyfriend should take a small break. There is nothing wrong with taking a breather from a relationship that you feel doesn’t have much direction; especially if there are trust issues involved. Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend, & tell him everything you told me here. Because what you said here is honest & genuine, & you owe it to him to tell him the contents of your heart. Who knows, he might need a break, too, to kind of reevaluate what he wants to do with his life.

I think it might do you both a bit of good to put a pause on this relationship — not permanently, mind you — to figure out where you stand & if you’d like to continue on with it. Just be sure to define what that break means to you both: will you guys talk on the phone sometimes still? Will you guys see each other every once in a while? Or would you rather cut off all contact to clear your head a bit? & probably the most important question: will you two be broken up, & thus free to date others? Make sure you guys have an equal understanding of what this break means so that if you do decide to get back together, you can start anew.

Remember, in the end you’re looking out for YOUR best interest, so anything that promotes healing & clarity for you should be taken, without question. & take as long (or as little) as you need. It might hurt a bit to be separated from your boyfriend, but I think you both need it.

Take good care.

— apricot.

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