an apology.
Today, I found out that Ask Apricot has been nominated for the 20-something Blogger Bootlegger Award for best secondary blog. While I was happy — & many, many heartfelt thanks to all who nominated me! — I also felt awful that your votes were wasted on me.
I have neglected this blog in more ways than just physically (in terms of not posting or responding to advice submissions); I’ve pretty much abandoned this space emotionally. & it’s all because of this: what I originally wanted out of Ask Apricot was completely different from how things turned out. I wanted to make this blog my non-profit “day job,” having donations be a second income for Jonathan & I. I wanted this to make up for the fact that I haven’t been employed for almost 3 years; I wanted to make this place my purpose. I wanted to make this blog into a community, a place where people could speak openly about their problems & get genuine support; not just from me, but from other readers who have gone through the same dilemma. Most importantly, I wanted Ask Apricot to be equally successful — if not more — than Apricot Tea.
I now realize that all of the expectations I put on myself & this blog were far too high, & since none of them have been fulfilled, I feel like a failure. & naturally, when you think you’ve failed at something, you do the best you can to stay as far away from that something as possible, so as not to remind you of your letdown. This is precisely why this blog has been collecting dust for the past few months.
A few weeks ago… I was very close to closing Ask Apricot down completely. I was tired of how much emotional grief it was causing me, feeling like I’ve let you & myself down. But, I couldn’t do it. The one & only thing stopping me from closing this blog down completely is all the emotion I have put inside of it. Not to mention, the very small chance that the advice I’ve given has helped & is continuing to help many, many people from all over the world. I can’t bear to let it go, & I want nothing more than to start over, so to speak, & reevaluate what this place is truly for. Because I’ve been so wrapped up in page views, comments, & the number of subscribers here that I’ve lost track of what I originally wanted for this blog.
I feel like I owe you — this blog & its readers — an apology. Especially to those who have submitted advice submissions & haven’t heard a word from me in months. I am sorry. I’m sure some of you don’t see this as a big deal & you probably feel like an apology & an explanation isn’t necessary. But I feel like I have a responsibility & a commitment to this blog (& to you!), & by not being reliable I have no doubt let some of you down.
I have one request of you: Tell me why YOU want to see Ask Apricot stick around. This is a bit humiliating for me to admit, but I need validation. I need reasons to keep this blog going, because the reasons I’m giving myself aren’t sufficing.
If you’re not keen on stroking my ego (& I don’t blame you)… at least give me suggestions & feedback on how I can make this a better place for YOU. Tell me what you want. Because this blog has always been — & will always be — about you, the reader.
Again, to those who have submitted advice months ago, I am so sorry for not getting back with you. Just as soon as I can get a grasp of what this blog will entail, I will get back with you the best way I can.
Here’s hoping for closure.