goodbye, & thank you.

I’m going to cut right to the chase & say what has been on my mind for the last several months: Ask Apricot is dead. I’m certain that if I wouldn’t have waited so long in trying to revive it, it could have sprung back. But… it’s too late, & while it hurts my heart tremendously to seemingly “give up” on this wonderful project, I have to be honest with myself. Ask Apricot is done.

This decision was equally one of the easiest & hardest choices I’ve had to make. Easy, because I knew that I wanted to quit — that I NEEDED to quit — for a long time. & hard, because I really didn’t want to. But I’ve finally gotten up enough courage to actually say how I feel, & my goodness, it feels so good to be able to let it out. Finally.

I was 100% devoted to this project from the get-go; almost too devoted. I made your problems my own to the point of feeling emotionally overwhelmed by them. I was kept awake at night wondering if I truly helped you, & wondering if I helped you to the best of my ability. I let my unfulfilled expectations consume me, choking out all the good intentions of this endeavor. In short: I cared too damn much. I didn’t know how to separate myself from your problems — no matter how small. Because giving advice about what color lipstick you should wear is one thing. But finding enough empathy in my being to console & uplift the ones with a broken heart… that’s another. It gets to you sometimes. Carrying the weight of everyone else’s problems on your shoulders, willingly & wholeheartedly. & now I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending like this project brings me joy when it doesn’t, & it hasn’t for quite some time. I’m especially tired of using Ask Apricot as an excuse for me “doing something” with my life.

I do think that it’s great that I tried with all of my might to do something that made a difference in others’ lives. Ask Apricot was my dream, & I did it. It was a wonderful experience for me, & I’m very glad that I actually did something that I had been wanting to do for so long.

Of course, I want to thank everyone for all of their support for Ask Apricot. For the comments (good & bad), the emails (good & bad), the donations, the feedback, the community-effort… thank you. Without you, I don’t think Ask Apricot would have lasted as long as it did. I also want to thank every single person who nominated Ask Apricot for Best Secondary Blog via 20sb. That simple gesture, in & of itself, proved to me that this blog had a special place in some of your hearts.

& to those who have advice submissions still pending & have yet to be responded to: I feel awful, like I’m abandoning you in your time of need. I also feel like I’ve let you down, & for that I’m sorry.

I would like to encourage you to send your advice submissions to Tee, from The Diva’s Random Thoughts, who runs an excellent advice blog (as well as personal blog). I know she’ll accommodate you way better than I ever did. (Tell her “apricot” sent you.)

& as for me… I don’t know what I’ll do next. I’d like to paint a little more, & focus on becoming a better photographer. I’d especially like to focus on what made me start blogging in the first place: writing. I’m pretty sure my next endeavor will have something to do with that.

If you’d like — & if you don’t already — you can follow my personal blog, Apricot Tea, to get an in depth idea of what I’m up to. You can also email me if you’d like.

Please know that even though Ask Apricot is no more, I’m still here for you. I always will be.

Thanks again for everything.

— Ev`Yan

(Feel free to poke through the HISTORY, as I’ve covered many, many topics & they’re still very near & dear to my heart.)

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